Sunday, 1 April 2007


Pre-Wedding Nerves

Pre-wedding nerves are a classic component of some wedding or marriage films in which the bride (to be) is frantically jittery and/or the husband is scared of the life he's losing. In real life, these feelings might mean that the forthcoming relationship is not for you or that you are simply not quite ready yet.

Nervousness tethered to joy and excitement is probably just pre-wedding nerves, but an impending sense of doom, dread, feelings of a big mistake, or bowing to the wishes of others against your common sense and inner feelings, can be something a little more serious. For instance, if your potential spouse has ever gotten violent, has an ongoing drug or alcohol problem, dislikes your friends and family, was recently unfaithful, or doesn't want children (or he/she differs considerably on how to raise them), then you should probably seriously consider a postponement of the wedding. The temporary embarrassment is a trifle compared with years of wishing you weren't in a fixed, legal relationship.

Distinguish these feelings from nervousness about planning the wedding, in-laws, table settings, invitation cards, flower arrangements, etc. Think about whether or not you'll ever be put into a life-altering event with so many millions of details again. How do you and your spouse handle it? Maybe you can grow from it. Consider the wedding set-up to be as much a part of your new relationship as the wedding itself, and use it as an opportunity to bond and grow. Set boundaries on when you'll discuss the wedding and when you won't. Set up one day where both of you just share your true love and forget all about the wedding plans and ceremonies.

If you're starting to compile silly fears and worries about married life, write them down and talk to someone, read from a helpful author, or peruse your holy scriptures, whatever religion you pertain to, about husband and wife continuing harmony and behavior. You may have a legitimate worry that your identity will be swallowed up in the other person. In that case, you could both agree on designated times to spend time alone or with friends, i.e., one night a week for instance. It's not uncommon for a partner to feel hurt or rejected by pre-wedding nerves.

It's important to realize that most all couples, even the best ones that have been enthusiastic and happy for long years, went through the pre-wedding nerves. When you get advice from someone, try to seek out happily married couples or even couples that have been together for a long time, marriage or not. Often, their secrets can be the sought-after element that encourages an unbreakable bond and subdues pre-wedding nerves' impact. If you've had negative feelings for a considerable time then it's an idea to stop the wedding all together. Marriage is a journey, and no one can expect it to be smooth all the time.

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